The Ted Commandments

TISM's list of Ted Commandments:
Ted Whitten
Ted Nugent
Ted Heith
Ted Kennedy
Ted E. Bear
Ted E. Roosevelt
Ted E. Boy
Ted Hamilton
Ted Little Niggers

So Craig, apparently your Ted Nugent comes second, after AFL legend Whitten (AKA 'Mr Football').

Ted Commandments is from Great Truckin' Songs of the Renaissance, which is in my opinion the best TISM album ever produced (Hot Dogma comes a close second).

The French and Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent, a heavy metal guitar legend and devoted (bow) hunter, was being interviewed by a French journalist. Eventually, the conversation turned to his love of outdoor pursuits. The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, "Are you my friend?" or maybe "Are you the one who killed my brother?"

Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, What am I going to eat next? Who am I going to screw next? and, Can I run fast enough to get away? They are very much like the French in that."

Ted's website is here

Ted Nugent buys some socks.

Read more.

Treadmill Dance

More than just a couple of Squirt's

EVER WORK IN FAST FOOD? WHAT'S THE GROSSEST THING YOU'VE SEEN DONE TO SOMEONES FOOD?

It sure is fun when you have a bunch of wasteoids working in the kitchen, We were all getting wasted on a early afternoon break, when the boss came out and bitched about us smokin weed on the job, so we thought it would be funny to use piss instead of water for the batter they used for the fish, fries, & everything else... so we pissed in varrious containers then poured them all in the batter mix.. no one knew why we were laughing our asses of all night, the boss just thought we must have smoked some good weed.
by charliebrown

Dinner time in Mumbai - Hitler's Cross

When Hitler's Cross restaurant opened in a Mumbai suburb Sunday, local politicians and movie industry types were on hand to celebrate beneath the posters of the Nazi leader and swastikas.

Read more here

"Hitler was a bad man, but what's wrong with having food here?" said Ashwini Phadnis, 22, a microbiology student, as she tucked away a piece of chocolate cake.

(Thanks for the article Andrew)

be a good robot... donut robot!!

 

Two sides to every story, part 2

War in Lebanon

There are two sides to every story, part 2

Two sides to every story

Brigitte Gabriel Discusses Lebanon and Israel on CNN

Two sides to every story, part 1.

Aussie Joke From the Great White North, and No it is not About Convicts or Wombats

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

"In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says. The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

"Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and Kiwi.

He turns to the astonished barman and says,"In Austraalia we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

THE BROWN HORNET

"Hey, hey, hey! It's Uncle Albert!"
And I'm gonna sing a song for you
And Bill's gonna show you a thing or two
You'll have some fun now with me and all the gang
Learning from each otherWhile we do our thing
Nah, nah, nah -- gonna have a good time
(hey, hey, hey!)
Nah, nah, nah -- gonna have a good time

"This is DownTown Brown coming atcha
with music and fun
And if you're not careful,
you may learn something before it's done!
( So get ready)
Hey, hey, hey!"
Nah, nah, nah -- gonna have a good time
Nah, nah, nah -- gonna have a good time
Nah, nah, nah -- gonna have a good time

Mating Root-Maggot Flies

Mating Root-Maggot Flies
Originally uploaded by imarsman.

Perverts

Le Maggot

Le Maggot
Originally uploaded by michaelrickman.

An elderly Hong Kong man is being treated in hospital after doctors found he was being eaten alive by maggots, health chiefs said.

They said the 67-year-old could have been gnawed to death by the parasites had he not been rushed into care.

The grisly affliction is known as human myiasis, a rare disease that results from flies infesting wounds or sores.

Usually a problem for older people who have trouble looking after themselves, the flies lay their eggs in fresh or weeping wounds and sometimes even in the mouth, nose and ears.

The hatched larvae then feed from the rotting flesh, quickly spreading through the body.

In the latest case in Hong Kong, the maggots infested a number of cuts on the man's face.

Health officials urged carers and staff at homes for the elderly to be alert to signs of the disease, which has so far this year been detected in seven other people.

Rockstar games - Bully Trailer

If you liked GTA or the Warriors (and I know YOU did Brad) then you'll probably get a kick out of Bully. Take a look at the promo video.

Boba Fett

Boba Fett, 1978 style from the rare Star Wars Christmas Special.

Daxton Live, Saturday 19th, Ruby Rabbit, Darlo

 

Sooty The Legend

woof

You got a nice smellin' butt there, boy

Hey dummy!

what can brown do for you?

I quite impressed myself with the Armin ate my balls post. I think I am very funny. I wonder what else I could get up to?

Armin Meiwes ate my balls!

Mmm I sure could go some balls right now.

I know – I’ll advertise for some the internet. I’m sure to find some juicy balls.

Damn I got me some balls.
I’d better wash them balls before I eat them.
Now it’s time to sit down and eat some balls
Yum - I sure do love eating balls

Damn. Who knew eating balls could get you in so much trouble?

Man With A Plan??

People of New South Wales, have your say.


Premier Morris Iemma has launched a draft NSW State Plan for community consultation across New South Wales.

The State Plan will define the goals and outcomes that the NSW Government and community together agree should shape public policy over the next 10 years.

The formal community consultation process starts today and runs for about one month. The final State Plan will go to NSW Cabinet for approval in early October of this year.

Must be something in the air, what with today being census day and all...

(spot the person who works for government)

DONKEY PANTS

DONKEY PANTS DONKEY PANTS
WE ALL HAVE FUN WITH DONKEY PANTS
WE RIDE AROUND WITHOUT A FROWN
WE SLIPPEN AND SLIDEN
WE A ROCKIN AND A ROLLIN
WE A JUST A HAPPY LITTLE DONKEY MAN

DONT GET CAUGHT WITHOUT YOUR
DONKEY PANTS ON

ORDER TODAY
AND YOU TOO CAN BE THIS COOOOOOOL


song written and arranged by

The Bradster

cactus!

Thorpedo changes name to

TITANUS the human BOMB
pipped to win gold at the big Splash 2007

Thirsty?

Whore's Pasta

Looking for something to cook tonight?

Why not try some Pasta Puttanesca; a robust pasta dish originating from Naples, named after the local women of easy virtue.

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
4 anchovy fillets, chopped
1 small red chili, deseeded and finely chopped
2 teaspoons capers, rinsed and drained
8 pitted black olives, quartered
420g canned tomatoes, chopped
½ teaspoon sea salt
¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
200g spaghetti

HEAT 2 tablespoons of oil in a frying pan over medium heat and cook onion for 6 min.
ADD garlic and anchovies and cook for a minute, stirring to break up the anchovies.
ADD chili, capers, olives, tomatoes, salt and pepper, and bring to the boil.
REDUCE heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
WHILE sauce is simmering, cook the pasta.
DRAIN cooked pasta into a colander and put the sauce in the bottom of the pot.
TOP with hot pasta, parsley and reserved tablespoon of olive oil.
TOSS together gently to combine.

More Balls

What's with the dog theme today?

BIG BALLS

http://www.goyk.com/video.asp?path=465

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=17607

I've got big ballsI've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)

WATCH WITH CARE
AND FONDLE WITH MORE CARE

You though Peter North could take down a Scud

MY GOD !!!!!

Factual error : There is one scene towards
the end when Matilda is talking to her assistant
and two clocks showing the times of Tokyo
and Hong Kong are visible on the wall behind.
In reality Tokyo is one hour ahead of Hong Kong,
but the clock clearly shows Hong Kong as one
hour ahead of Tokyo. The Frankfurt clock is
also an hour slow, assuming the
Chicago clock is the correct one.
How could they get it soooo wrong ??????

THE SECRET LIFE OF DOGS

As Bruce Dog connect a low flighing Kick to the head of his Arch enema Puppy Scaramanger .,.,. His Girlfriend Pussy Galore secretly roll's around in the catnip with Agent 003.5 Mongel. James Mongrel

Caught!

Halo 3; Finish the Fight

This game preview gave me shivers. I can't wait!!

How William Shatner Changed the World

I hate to admit it but I am a Shatner fan.

Spewin!

Freinds, emenas and associates... When was the last time you had a good spew? 

 

Cops, crime and Craig's mongrel

Craig wrote:

"On the way to work in the cab there was some talkback blather on. An argument was on between the host and the Victorian police minister. They were arguing that there were not enough police and that the ones that are there are too restrained by policy and procedure.

There must be an election coming up.

Did you ever notice that Law and Order is such a bullsh_t subject when it comes to politics. My neighbourhood watch newsletter arrived on the weekend. It says crime of all types is continuing to trend downwards. And no cops have mutilated or killed anyone in Victoria for ages. (Not that I've heard.)

So why more cops and why slacken the mongrel's leash? "

The simple answer is, more cops make the average citizen feel safe and secure. Well, at a pinch. There is of course the 'scandal' at Goulburn academy lately (my my, would police officers drink? shocking!).

As for crime trends, it's no secret that they would have to be one of the most unreliable and easily manipulated political tools ever (and trust me, I'm pretty familar with political spin). What are we looking at - the number of crimes that occur? Impossible to know, since many crimes go unreported. The number of crimes reported? This is often so easily influenced by factors such as media, etc. The morning's headlines about a shop broken into overnight often leads to increases in crimes reported - people offering information that could lead to a separate offence being committed, people getting the courage to dob in the neighbour for the suspicious behaviour they saw a few weeks ago, etc.

And even comparing crime stats across a period of time assumes that the method of reporting and recording crimes has stayed constant, which it never does. Let's not even get into police discretion in determining what should be recorded: what's worth following up, what's likely to be too difficult, what's regarded as a nuisance call.

When is the next Victorian election? We have our next NSW election in early 2007. Whether or not there is a change in government (I hope not, if only to prevent my job becoming even more of a nightmare - and I abhore the thought of having to support the Coaltition in any way, shape or form), therefore certainly will be a massive shakeup of ministerial portfolios.

Change in Federal government - bring it on!!

What's that "I'm so post modern" song?

What's that "I'm so post modern" song?

Artist The Bedroom Philosopher (A.K.A Justin Heazlewood)
Song I'm So Post Modern
Album In Bed With My Doona
Website bedroomphilosopher.com
Genre Folk / Country / Roots

Lyrics (Might not be lyrics to the full song, but still useful for searches)

I'm so postmodern that I just don't talk anymore,
I wear different coloured t-shirts according to my mood.

I'm so postmodern that I work from home
as a surf life saving consumer hotline.

I'm so postmodern that all my clothes are made out of sleeping bags,
I don't need pockets, I'm a pocket myself.

etc

The rest of the song is here

Angry German Kid

Amazing. Surely its set up.

Hot Chicks with Douchebags

From the site author:
I'm the biggest douchebag you ever met. The problem is I don't get the hot chicks so maybe I'm like the anti-douchebag douchebag. They need a new term for my sorry ass. This site is all about poking fun at scuzzbuckets and the women who love them. If you're in a photo and upset about the ribbing, email me and I'll take down the photo. Otherwise, douche-on!!

A typical picture from the website, with the comment "Yeah but they wouldn't"

Fishing is a contact sport

This is an (apparently) actual emergency room photo of a fisherman who lostcontrolof his high-speed bass boat in West Virginia.

Wardens believe that he was travelling approximately 75 mph at the time of the accident. He was unable to negotiate a curve in the narrow waterway. Unfortunately for him, upon striking the shoreline and being ejected from the boat, helanded bottom end first on an old fence post.

You can probably picturewhat happened next, but the attached picture really says it all.

The good news is that after about 6 months, this man made a full recovery after suffering a shattered hip, broken leg, several broken ribs, internal injuries and soft tissue damage. Doctors credited his recovery to the fact that thepost lodged itself so tightly that there was little or no blood loss.

Yikes!

Census night!

The Australian Census happens tonight. Will you be a Jedi or a part of the Kiss Army?
And by the way - it is wrong to put Jedi down as your religion?

Here's what the Australian Bureau of Statistics says on the topic -

The Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) has endeavoured to answer all questions posed by the public and the media relating to recording Jedi as a response to the question on religion in the 2001 Census, to be held Tuesday 7th August. The answers provided by the ABS are not always provided in full due to the constraints of the forums in which the questions have been asked. More...

And...

If your belief system is "Jedi" then answer as such on the census form. But if you would normally answer Anglican or Jewish or Buddhist or something else to the question "what is your religion?" and for the census you answer "Jedi" then this may impact on social services provision if enough people do the same. More...


Oh yeah - and if you are a Jedi - you must have a Jedi Name, so go get one at the Jedi Name generator.

Learn more about the Jedi Census phenomenon at our friend wikipedia or at that reputable news source, the BBC

Stages of life

The stages of life represented in Liquid formats

Another survey

Another survey; this one is less important and more serious.

The Australian Democrats are interested in your thoughts on what the relationship between religion and government should be. Please take a few moments to answer the questions below. Remember that there's no right, wrong or ideal response.

Go here to fill it out

And don’t forget the Christians will be going there in force so do your part pagans!

House of lies

Click here for the

House of lies